lunes, 11 de octubre de 2010

On Passive Aggressiveness

I've always had a temper, since I can remember, and when I was 10 after my parent's divorce and my short temper was well exploding as if I was nitrogen and everyone else was glycerine my parents decided to get me to a psychologist, it wasn't the last time I would see one as I admit I have way too many issues for my own good, but it was the first, and I felt like my mom and dad thought I was crazy, even though they repeatedly told me it wasn't that I was crazy, they just wanted to make sure I was okay.

My time on therapy developed two things, a strong love for psychology from there on and also that my temper became passive aggressive, I was no longer the kid that picked a fight whenever something ticked him off, but the kid that took everything in and planned his revenge quite slowly and without anyone realizing it was me. More than making me less angry, it made me less prone to show it and more inclined to plan ahead.

I hate passive aggressive people, which one would say it's hypocritical, and I would say that you can hate something that you are just fine, many people hate plenty of their personality traits, I accept me just how I am, I love my passive aggressiveness, I just hate when other people are like that.

Either way, lately, after my second trip to the psychologist I've let that personality trait go away for a more direct approach. One that doesn't involve finding an activity to vent over all the repressed anger. Although of course it still happens, I still write and I still draw which is how I let my emotions show, but also I tell people how I feel now, I try to always tell the truth no matter if people will take it wrongly and I try to not care what others think of me.

Although of course it never hurt anyone to let some steam out, I used to do it with fencing, sport that I practiced for five years, though lately writing was the most active thing I had done, this weekend however I got to play paintball, it was fun, I suck when shooting people while moving, but I have great aim.And shooting feels good.

It made me remember my time in Texas, when there was an issue about letting students carry guns on campus, the Houstonian, my school's paper polled me and I answered that I thought it was stupid and really bad, cause well drunk frat boys with guns ain't the brightest idea Texas has ever had. But it shocked me to see next day in print that out of the 5 people polled I was the only one against.

Sure, shooting is fun, it makes you feel great, but I don't know, somehow, mixing guns with the college life doesn't seem like the brightest idea the world has ever had.

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