It's been 7 months since I've started sinking, it's never been so long before. It's gone to a point where I can't really remember what it felt to not be in the shithole anymore. I can remember happiness I can remember the top hits, I just can't remember how they felt, it's all faces and sounds.
Happiness is more of a concept rather than an emotion as of late, and well after watching a movie today I realized I need to do something, get out of here, start something I like and meet someone new, make a great comeback. The only problem is that I can't, I find myself unable to get out of here, there have been some girls I've been interested in just asking out and I just, don't find it worth it anymore.
Too much trouble for a relationship that is going to end badly anyway, the chances of finding someone that tolerates me without an unhealthy obsession to just agree to everything I say without a common sense are as low as the chances of finding true randomness in Newtonian physics.
I don't have a passion anymore. I need to find the thing that gets me my life back, unfortunately, I don't know how to do that, it's like a horcrux that can't be found, you don't know what it's gonna be, or where it is, or even how you are going to get it, you just know that you need to get to it to be able to finish the story.
Seven months, it feels like fucking ever.What's gonna happen? A year ago I wouldn't have pictured this, on a fucking pill diet, with the complete psychological history chart I have on my family now. All the lying, the acting, and I don't even feel bad about it. I manipulate everyone around me, people that care about me, and I don't even feel bad about it, I'm more than broken, I'm rotten. Let's hope I don't rot everything else around me.