domingo, 30 de enero de 2011

Identifying problems

I'm not by any means a psychologist, I am though, very good at identifying problems the roots and everything. That's how I got diagnosed GAD, I noticed the symptoms and went to the Psych unit. Which by the way is near pediatrics and made giggle at  the ironies of life. Though dark humor has gotten me enough trouble today so I probably have to stop it in social situations.

Now however, my anxiety has stopped the panic attacks as well, it's good, I've been free of it for months, but the depression wasn't going away, I started looking into it. It wasn't depression so much as not wanting to go out with my friends, or meet new people or do anything really, except when drunk. Which may be why I like it, I am not an alcoholic but I could certainly go down that path if I'm not careful. I thought it was just depression, until I started noticing that something else happening with me lately could also be a symptom.

I'm becoming a cold bitch, and I mean that in the worse possible way, I am not only cynical, but I don't care and can't empathize with anyone it's like turning into a robot. It sucks, you can't be happy for anyone, or sad, or nothing. Which yeah, make me be able to be completely impartial, but suck when I don't know.. someone dies or something. The only things that bring me joy or sadness are linked to me.

I do spend an awful lot of time writing and in a fictional world and apparently when grouping all my special traits that I thought just made me excentric, I get an awfully close aproximation to what wikipedia tells me is Schizod personality disorder. I haven't gone to therapy in months, mainly because I was busy and well... I thought I could work out on my problems on my own. But I think I have to go again, I don't want to become a robot.

It's basically schizophrenia minus the psychotic elements like delusions or hallucinations, what I don't like is that it's been increasing in me at an alarming rate over the last past year. I'll see what the doc says, I don't wanna be right, but unfortunately for me, most of the time I am, at least when it comes to this stuff.


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