You are born, you eat, you shit, you fuck and then you die, leaving your children to repeat the process over and over again until a meteorite kills us all and cockroaches start talking. That's life, the rest of it consists in an endless competition to see who shits more, eats more and who dies the last.
We have set up a few minigames along the way, like school, getting married, buying a house, getting a job, Christmas, porn, whatever. What do you do when these minigames are not enough though? You start writing, drawing, oversleeping, playing videogames. It's what we do.
Chemical imbalances are not rare and are part of my specific genetics, I don't know why that is important, but it's just what makes me think about these things. I've talked about the girls that have made an impact in my life, I left out one, on purpose though. Because even though I loved her and she was the most... benefitial relationship I've had, perhaps the most healthy one ever. It just... Sometimes it's not enough, sometimes maybe your chemical imbalance tells you that you can't keep doing it. It's not a decoy, it may look like, but you don't care about a decoy's feelings.
It's hard making sense, but I've reached the age I didn't want to reach. You get out of college, all your friends are either too invested with their girlfriends, or looking for love, or for sex. It's just, what if you don't want a minigame right now, what if you've had enough about relationships for a while and you just wanna enjoy a little?
When everyone is so completely obsessed over hooking up, over who is with who, who marries who. Where are the people that just want to hang out? Go to the movies, get drunk, play monopoly, the sort of stuff we did when we weren't completely absorbed by work and romantic relationships.
It is them that take the youth out of life, you never see it coming, you think it's never going to happen to you, but then one day, even if you are single, you find yourself in a suit, in an office, watching the clock tick, obsessing about relationships and life slowly going away. You have become old, you are 20 something and you already don't care about fun, just about taxes, bills, things, babies...
From now you won't even realize what hit you when suddenly you have your own mini person, pooping, puking and crying all day and all night long. It's already happening, you may be aware of it, but what are you doing about it? Chances are that by now, you've already become obsessed by what society wants you to obsess about.
If you have, then you have disappointed me. I know I have commitment issues, but maybe it's not that I don't wanna commit, maybe i just don't wanna grow up, I don't wanna be so consumed by work and marriage that I don't even fucking know how an iPod works.I don't wanna hang out with married people that only think about babies, and other couples and the most trivial shit in this planet.
I don't know who may be reading this, for all I know, no one is. But if you want your freedom and your youth as much as I do, then comfort in the thought that you are not alone.
I know what you are thinking... There are so many of them, I can't fight them off on my own, I can't simply stop hanging out with people just because they have become increasingly boring. And I will agree, they will probably catch all of us. The ones that remain will be shunned by the boring people, that think that everyone should be just as boring and miserable as they are. And then those last freedom fighters will die.
The thought that some people are able to live life and die on their own terms is endearing to me. I don't know the future, I can't say if I'll hold on enough to die how I want to die today.
Maybe I'll become a Zombie, you know, dead in life... All those family and corporate Zombies, not knowing what the fuck has happened or is happening to their lives, so fucking invested in other relationships that they can't do anything out of their own minds. Controlled by their surroundings.
I walk the streets and I see dozens of them, consumed by age. I cheer for humans, because humans die free. If I turn into a Zombie, please, cut my head off.